


Cracks in the brave solider.

by Jolly_Rancherz



Series: Ian and Mickey: OneShots [1]
Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: Angst, Beginning signs of bipolar, Conflicted Mickey, Hurt Ian, Ian Gallagher is in the Army, M/M, One Shot, Takes place during end of season 3
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-30
Updated: 2020-08-30
Packaged: 2021-03-07 01:34:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 537
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26198686
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jolly_Rancherz/pseuds/Jolly_Rancherz
Summary: Ian reflects back on Mickey during his time in the army. A short one shot of Ian’s feelings and conclusions.
Relationships: Ian Gallagher/Mickey Milkovich
Series: Ian and Mickey: OneShots [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1914889
Comments: 4
Kudos: 20





	Cracks in the brave solider.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys, I depicted the very beginning signs of bipolar as I believed them to be. If you feel in any way I missed the mark, don’t hesitate to let me know.
> 
> Warnings: References to bipolar starting to show. Derogatory terms expressed mentally on Ians part about Svetlana.

After preparing for the night, Ian stripped off his uniform and crawled into his assigned bed. The days where long, 5:00am up to 10:00pm. 

Normally as soon as his head hit the pillow he was out for the count, but tonight was different. 

He had really fucking done it, enlisted. Well technically, 'Lip' was the one that enlisted but that was a minor detail that didn’t matter. 

His body was pleasantly aching from these last couple of weeks, the work was heavy and tedious at times but overall satisfying. 

Kept his mind busy, filled emotional gaps. Made him feel like he was worth more than his deadbeat parents, that he had a purpose. 

He was protecting his country. He mattered. He was contributing something. 

Most days he was fuelled by his own ambition and determination to do better, but sometimes when the excitement of the days faded into night he felt a inexplicable tiredness. 

It felt like it was gluing him to his bed, keeping him there. Sometimes, it made him feel completely numb and devoid. 

It made him miss Mickey. Mickey had made him feel something so strong, so powerful and intoxicating. He clung to that feeling at times like this. Times when he started feeling empty and lonely. 

It made him burn with anger and something more complex he feared to put a name too. He kept Mickey away from his thoughts, that’s why he left, to bury the pain with his passion for serving. 

Everything kept blowing up in his face, West Point wanted Lip over himself. Mickey chose that stupid skank over him. 

Made his throat feel dry and his eyes burn. How could he have married that whore. 

He knew things where more complicated than that, but he didn’t understand why Mickey felt the need to face his internal conflict alone. He was here for him, wanted Mickey to be himself. 

To not live in fear and denial. Not be controlled by his fucking father. 

He wanted Mickey to hold him, tell him he liked Ian like he liked Mickey. Wanted more than the label fuck buddies. 

He wanted Mickey. He wanted all of him. He wanted Mickey to pick him. 

His hands fisted in the covers and the devoid feeling filled up quickly, anger and hurt bubbling inside. 

His vision blurred and he twisted the covers up so he was holding them. He was in the army, he was supposed to be brave. 

Crying wasn’t fucking brave. Tears stained his cheeks anyways and he bit down on the covers to conceal his noises. 

It was over, Mickey didn’t chose him. Didn’t even try to stop him that day. Now here Ian was, to serve at minimum 4 years. 

He wondered what the Gallagher house was thinking right now. Where they worried? 

Was Mickey regretting not stopping him? Was Mickey thinking about how good he felt too. 

He felt sobs shake his body, he was here now. 

His old life was over. He needed to push Mickey and lingering thoughts of his family out. 

He was here to serve his country, to make a difference. Do something impactful. 

That didn’t stop his streams of tears, why didn’t Mickey chose him.

**Author's Note:**

> :(((
> 
> Kudos and comments are always appreciated if you feel inclined.


End file.
